The one good thing that’s come out of the panic around the frogs turning gay and soy milk making men grow shapely breasts (va-va-voom!) is the flood of soy-free vegan foods that have shown up on the market.
Soy allergies in adults are fairly rare- it’s estimated that 0.5% of American adults can’t process the stuff, and most children (70%) who are soy intolerant grow out of it by adulthood. While soy-enjoyers are out galavanting, enjoying succulent Chinese meals, we soy-avoiders are skulking in the corner, hunting down chickpea tofu at natural food markets and asking servers, “What’s in your housemade veggie burger?” (Read this in a really whiny voice for best effect)
Luckily, life-threatening reactions to soy are very rare. It’s more likely that we’ll get a rash or grumbly stomach or giant swollen fingers. Embarrassing when eating a BBQ joint’s requisite Asian veg dish, but not “epi-pen” serious.
That being said- here is the first installment of “Annoyed by Soy,” a series exploring soy-free vegetarian proteins.
Seitan
Seitan is a misunderstood beast, especially if you get confused and think it’s related to Beelzebub. It’s actually pure gluten protein, with very few calories and carbs. It’s chewy and takes on whatever flavor you add to it, and takes on a lovely crisp when pan-fried.
Seitan’s virtue lies in its similarity to chicken, ability to soak up flavor, and high protein content (around 8g protein per oz). You can buy seitan at the store and flavor it however you like, or make it at home and customize it. If you’re gluten intolerant, steer clear. Seitan is literally pure gluten.
Seitan Deli Slices- Washed Flour Method
Makes enough seitan for 4 servings thick cut (if you’re using for chicken), or 6-8 thin cut deli slices.
I love this recipe from The Viet Vegan- it’s super customizable, and it doesn’t use vital wheat gluten, which can cause stomach upset in some people. Instead, you wash the flour while kneading until only the gluten protein is left. It’s a bit more laborious, but make it bulk and freeze for later, and it’s definitely worth it.
Here’s how I do it:
Seitan
9 c. All-purpose flour
3 c. room temp water
Combine and knead into a shaggy ball. Knead for another 10-20 minutes (you can use a stand mixer here if you have one), until the dough is smooth and springs back when poked.
Put in a large bowl filled with cold water, and let sit for 1 hour.
Start washing the flour by kneading in the bowl. The water will turn a thick, milky white. Dump the water out and add clean cold water. Continue kneading.
Do this until the water is less opaque. The dough will turn into a terrifying mass and will fall apart, but eventually will come back together. This process takes around 20 minutes of kneading in water.
Some small notes for this process- the washed flour is going to look like an eldritch horror, and will take forever to get the water to run almost clear. Trust the process and when she says let it rest, let it rest dammit!
I recommend kneading in your sink with a big bowl to avoid a mess.
Let sit 20-30 minutes in a colander to drain.
Stretch the dough to be 12” or so and fold over on itself. Tie it in a knot. Tie it in another knot if you can. Let rest for 20 minutes. The more you work with it, the firmer your seitan will be.
Tie in a knot again. Now you’re ready to simmer!
Broth
While your dough is resting you can get your broth ready.
1 large tomato
1 tbsp peppercorns
Fresh or dried thyme and rosemary
1.5 tbsp Better than Bullion or veggie stock cubes
Fill a pot with water and add these ingredients. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer. Add your seitan and let simmer on low for 2-2.5 hours with the lid on. Keep in mind that the seitan will expand as it cooks.
Flavor note- you want your broth to be highly spiced. The flavor it imparts on your seitan is not as pronounced, so it’s okay if it tastes a little strong.
Roast
After you simmer the seitan ball, roast it in the oven on parchment paper to avoid sticking with honey, herbs, and pepper on the outside at 420, 7 minutes on each side to really take it up a notch. BAM!
World’s Best Seitan Club
Now that you have some delish deli slices, you can make the World’s Best Seitan Club. Makes 2 sandwiches.
Ingredients
12 thin Seitan slices (around 6 per sandwich)
Pickle slices
Mustard
Mayo
Provolone cheese slices (Or your favorite cheese)
Shredded lettuce
Tomato
6 pieces of bread
Process
Toast your bread. Layer on mayo and mustard on one side of two slices, and both sides of the middle slice. Add seitan, provolone, lettuce, pickles, and tomato in layers, with a slice of bread in the middle. ENJOY!
Swaps
Don’t want to make homemade seitan?
VALID- it’s laborious to make. If you can tolerate soy, there are a bevy of I’m sure delicious tofu-based deli slices.
Watching your carbs?
Omit the third piece of bread, or all the bread and turn it into a salad. Put all these ingredients in a low-carb wrap!
No lettuce?
This is a sandwich dude- do you even need to follow a recipe?? Put whatever you got in the fridge on bread and enjoy!